"WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO" sent in by Shirley Coles

There was a time when I would awaken to the inescapable realization that the day ahead would likely be too short for all the things that had to be done. The list would scroll in my mind as I reluctantly left my warm and so comfortable bed. Have you ever noticed or wondered why it is that your bed has never been this comfortable during the night. You can toss and turn for hours and never find this spot until morning. Now, I would stretch and dress knowing that priorities from my list would have to be set. Several deep breaths and some coffee later, my day would begin in earnest.

Depending on the season of my life, the commitments I had made, the ones who depended on me, the common chores which kept home and hearth functioning and in good repair, little on the list had anything to do with my own personal pleasures or pursuits. Yet, being busy, wanted and needed felt right and I would be content in that.

Little by little, home and family seemed to require less of me and the list became shorter. I could sleep a little later, sit down for quiet lunches alone, read more of the books I had always wished to, and all of the daily newspaper which intrigued me, instead of just glancing at the headlines over someone’s shoulder. I could schedule an appointment at the hair dresser and take some time to think about ways to enrich my life with some of the pursuits I had shelved for years. I had sometimes toyed with the idea of taking some college courses, try painting, learn about my garden, and even learn a second language. It wasn’t so much that my list had shortened, but its nature was changing. In a way, it was more invigorating to contemplate on awakening because many things seemed possible.

As my free time increased, I found myself somehow unable to translate my new list into action. In fact, inaction became the order of the day. I found myself asking ‘what to do, what to do today’. It was transition time for me. Freedom of choice beckoned but was not easy to get used to. Now, instead of being guided by the needs of others, I would be able to find, within myself, like dropped stitches in knitting, the desires, skills, and the essence of who I am, to catch them up and bring them forward as part of the fabric of my life.

Slowly, but very surely and very subtly at first, the inaction became a restlessness. Ideas would come….taking courses, applying for a certificate to substitute teach in the elementary schools, creating a small studio in my home and learning how to paint and maybe even planning a long distance trip on my own. I turned to the very advice I often gave to the people I have counseled over the years. Dare to dream and then take steps to turn the dream into reality. With the support of a very understanding family, I dared to dream.

Baby steps, awkward in some cases, became more sure-footed. Sometimes I found myself making the wrong choices but it is just as important to find out what is not right as it is to discover the joy of making the right decisions.

Waking to the question of ‘what to do today’ finds me looking forward to all the possibilities as well as the increased confidence that was born of daring to dream and then living some of it. I traveled, I painted, I taught and continue to do so. My list grows longer all the time and most of it is all about what pleasures ME.